The basic definition ofanxietyis a feeling of fear, uneasiness, or dread. But obvi, it’s a lot more complicated than that. Anxiety disorders affect around40 million adults every year, and symptoms can vary from person to person.
While everyone is different, there are some common ways you can help someone you care about deal with their anxiety. Here’s a deep dive into the most common types of anxiety. We also have top-notch advice from mental health experts.
How to help someone with anxiety
Here are some ways you can actively show your support and help someone with anxiety.
1. Learn about the different types of anxiety and signs of them
“Anxiety is a natural emotion and physiological shift that occurs when people perceive potential harm toward oneself or others,” says psychologistTimothy Yen, PsyD.“Anxiety gears them up for a fight-or-flight response to address the danger, either to eliminate the threat or run away from it.”
Understanding the different types of anxiety — and the common signs and symptoms — can help you help your loved one. Here’s what you need to know.
Generalized anxiety disorder
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is what typically first comes to mind when people think of anxiety. GAD ischaracterized by:
Panic disorder
A common panic disorder symptom is panic attacks.
“With panic attacks, it’s first important to learn the signs so that you can help your friend identify what’s happening to them,” says psychologistHeather Z. Lyons PhD.
Here are somesignsto look out for:
Social phobia (or social anxiety disorder)
Social phobia (aka social anxiety disorder) ischaracterizedby:
Keep in mind, symptoms can range from mild to severe. Some folks have no problem socializing in certain situations. But other folks can find any type of social setting to be triggering.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
CommonOCDsymptomsinclude:
These “rituals” tend to lend temporary anxiety relief. But failing to do them can trigger feelings of unease.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
PTSD can happen if someone is exposed to a traumatic eventlike:
Signs of anxiety to look for
Again, anxiety symptoms can vary from person to person. But there are some generalsignsto look out for:
2. Provide validation
Sometimes a simple validation can make a big difference. That means taking the time to really listen to what they’re going through and acknowledging their feelings.
“Oftentimes we move too quickly toward reassurance that ‘everything is going to be okay,'” says Yen.This can underscore a person’s feelings and might make them feel judged.
Instead, Yen recommends first letting them know that you get where they’re coming from.
For example:
Once your friend feels validated and heard, you may open the convo up a bit.
3. Try a groundingexercise
During a panic attack or anxiety episode, people might feel disconnected from the world around them. Grounding is a great way to refocus someone’s attention back to reality.
Here are somegroundingtechniques to try together:
Feel the floor beneath your feet
Gravity’s a trip, y’all. Since we can’t concentrate on everything at once, our selective attention doesn’t typically notice things like the feeling of the floor beneath our feet or the chair we’re sitting on. So, ask your friend if you could take a moment together to just notice the physical world that’s holding them up.
Focus on your breath
Breathworkis where it’s at. Exercises likeSama Vritti (aka equal breathing)can calm the mind and reduce racing thoughts. attempt to inhale for 5 seconds then exhale for 5 seconds. Repeat as needed.
Listen to the world around you
Lyons recommends turning your friend’s attention to arepetitive soundor music. Just verify it’s slow and soothing, like the hum of a heater or the sound of a soft piano piece. The consistency and repetitions can be very comforting.
Meditationis worth the hype. It’s a great way to reducestressand alleviateanxiety. Ask your friend to participate in 10 minutes of silent meditation or guided imagery.Psst. Here’s aGreatist guideto meditation for anxiety.
4. Determine your support role
There are lots of different roles you may take to support a person with anxiety.
“When our loved ones are in distress, they often need us to either distract them by cheering them up, be with them by listening and ensuring our availability, or help them with what we can do for them,” says Lyons.
Here are examples of things you can say, depending on your role.
When you distract someone, you’re able to offer ways to take their mind off their anxiety.
When you do, you take direct action.
Being can be as simple as letting them know you’re always there for them.
How not to help someone with anxiety
Now that you know what to do to help a friend out, here’s whatnotto do.
1. Don’t overload them with questions
It’s only natural to be curious about what your friend is feeling. But bombarding them with questions can be overwhelming AF.
“A person having a panic attack is already flooded,” says Lyons. “It might be difficult for them to summon the executive functioning skills to answer your questions.”
So, if you find yourself sounding more like Barbara Walters than a supportive friend, give it a rest. Give them a chance to open up when they’re ready.
2. Don’t tell them how they should feel
“Usually, when we’re trying to talk loved ones out of feeling something painful, what we’re trying to do is rescue them from feeling pain,” says Lyons.
But even if your heart is in the right place, this isn’t serving your friend or what they’re feeling.
“What ends up happening is that they either end up feeling invalidated or they become resolute in their feelings through the process of arguing their point,” says Lyons.
You def don’t want your well-meaning pep talk to turn into a disagreement. So don’t tell them how they should feel.
3. Don’t co-ruminate
There’s a difference between validating your friend and enabling them. Lyons recommends avoiding what’s some psychologists call co-ruminating.
“While it’s important toempathizewith friends’ anxiety by letting them know that you hear how difficult this time is for them,” she says. “It’s important to stop short of fueling their anxiety with your own worst-case scenarios.”
#True. So, though you obvi always want to hype your BFF up, feeding their anxiety isn’t the way to go about it.
When to help someone seek help
Even if you’re the most generous and helpful friend of all time, your loved one might also need support from a pro.
According to Lyons, it’s time to seek professional help when “their anxiety is impacting their functioning (sleep,eating,work,relationships) or they have a desire to better understand their anxiety and how to respond to it.”
However, even if you think your friend needs help, it’s really up to them.
“You can’t force someone to get help if they don’t want it,” Lyons says. “The most you can do is let them know you’re here when they’re ready.”
If you’ve gone to therapy or have received help for your mental health, consider talking about your positive experience with it. Just try not to be pushy.
If theydoagree to get help, consider offering further support by:
Anxiety treatment options
Anxiety disorders may seem to be everywhere these days. But the good news is that they can be highly treatable, according to theAnxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).
Anxiety is often professionally treated with one or both of the following:
Other ways to potentially ease anxietyinclude:
PSA: Anxiety isn’t a one-size-fits-all condition, and neither are treatments. It might take some trial and error to find the right balance for your unique needs.
Frequently asked questions
Here are the answers to all of your top anxiety questions.
How do you calm someone with anxiety?
When you notice someone feeling anxious you can:
What is the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety?
The 3-3-3 “distracts you from the ‘what ifs’ that tend to fuel anxiety and focuses you on the present moment,” says Lyons. It has three simple steps with three parts:
How do I help someone having a panic attack?
“When it comes to a panic attack, the main focus is to help the individual realize that they are safe NOW,” Yen explains. Here’s how you can help:
“These interventions help the brain catch up with the body that the fight-or-flight reaction is inappropriate for the current situation,” says Yen.
How can I help someone with anxiety over text?
When it comes to anxiety, Lyons says face-to-face communication is best. But alas, that’s not always possible. If you have to help a friend over text, let them know you’re there in an unintrusive way.
Lyons suggests sending them a fun article or a meme that made you think of them. Establishing a connection can go a long way. And from there you can ask how they’re doing and provide further support.
How do I help someone with anxiety who doesn’t want help?
Take it from the pros. You can’t force support on someone who doesn’t want it. Instead, Lyons recommends letting your loved one know you’re there for them whenever they’re ready.
In the meantime, stay available, responsive, and nonjudgmental.
How do I help someone who has suicidal thoughts?
Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. According to Lyons, you should, “Follow up. Ask direct questions. Do they have a plan? Do they have a means to act? If so, respond. Let them know that what you’re hearing is serious.”
Next,call a crisis response line or 911.
Even if your friend doesn’t have a plan to act, Lyons still advises encouraging them to seek support from a professional.
She also recommends that you:
“Sometimes people think that talking about it will motivate their loved one to act, but that’s not how suicidal ideation works,” Lyons says. “Don’t avoid the topic.”
The bottom line
If someone you know is experiencing anxiety, there are lots of ways you can help. The most important first step is letting them know that you’re there for them and that you’re a safe person that they can trust. You should also let them feel their feelings and make sure they know their concerns are valid.
You can also encourage them to seek professional support. But remember, you can “bring a horse to the water” but you can’t make it do therapy. So be patient and let them know you can help them find a provider if they change their mind in the future.
